I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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