Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
