just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
