swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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