You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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