god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
