Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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