you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
porn star boner night. come get it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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