My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i drank out of a bidet.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize