So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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