Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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