Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
