This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize