Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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