I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
