Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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