There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
