Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
