Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
