I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
