I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
