I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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