It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
the raccoons are back...
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