I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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