i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
