I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize