ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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