i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I AM VODKA MAN
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
