so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize