you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
