Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
