and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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