If i come over, it means nothing
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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