I met the friendliest cop last night
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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