Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize