Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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