That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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