I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
