I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize