She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
