I want to stick my p in your. b.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
40s are totally the cure
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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