sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
