Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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