I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
