So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
