I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
