you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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