Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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