had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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