I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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