he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
