Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.

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(949): View more from California

I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..

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(573): View more from Missouri

My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.

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(219): View more from Indiana

If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.

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(301): View more from Maryland

Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?

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(913): View more from Kansas

just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love

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(207): View more from Maine

I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care

(571): View more from Virginia

That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.

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