so explain again why im purple
no
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
