He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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