Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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