i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
