I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We got so high we made milksteak
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
