"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
