im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
