I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
