He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
