how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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