thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
