last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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