so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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