the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
